8:01 AM
The game score is now 69 - 70. I have a free throw. There were 20s more to the game. I didn't want to win. i felt that there was totally no point if i threw the ball at all. Even if i won, nothing would have worked, the trophy wun last, and it wasn't important. If by winning everyone felt bad in the end, i would have rather not thrown it at all.
I threw an air ball. It didn't even touch the hoop. I felt so relieved, as if i didn't need to think anymore. There were 20s left into the game and i had no more chance of winning. I felt good doing it, as if other people would have been happier. someone called for a timeout. I was talked to.
There were so many reasons i threw an air ball i couldn't remember all of them. Yet, after talking i felt so regretful. I felt evil, i was going against my principals if i wanted to win again. Some things happened. They already know i wanted to give up. They were celebrating their victory already. It would be so evil to go against what i said.
Yet, at that point of time i really wanted to win. It is when i saw the trophy again i really felt that i wanted to win so badly. Yet, they were my friends, how was it possible to try to win when they already guessed you didn't? Isn't that backstabbing? There were so many thoughts in my mind i can't see any clear paths. what should i do. Should i be really fighting for the victory? 20s is not alot of time.
By going for the victory i am going against all my principals. It made me wonder, does it always pay to be feeling for others. There is no definite right or wrong answers. Gazing at the trophy, i can never decide.
I clenched my fists and thought, I am a joke........
~Sighx
